Rethinking friendships on university campuses

Friendship has always been regarded as one of the most meaningful relationships in life. From childhood, we grow up hearing the comforting phrase, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” The idea is simple and reassuring—true friends stand by each other during difficult times.

For university students, friendships often become even more important. Many young people leave their homes for the first time to pursue higher education. In this new environment, they must adjust to academic pressure, independence, and unfamiliar surroundings. During this phase, friends often become companions, emotional supporters, and sometimes even family away from home.

However, my experience as a university counsellor tells a more complex story.

Everyday in counselling sessions, I meet students whose friendships are not only a source of comfort but also a source of emotional pressure. Behind cheerful campus photographs and lively social media posts, many students are silently struggling with an overwhelming need for acceptance from their peers. For some, friendship has gradually shifted from companionship to validation—a way of proving that they belong.

Psychological studies have shown that peer acceptance during late adolescence plays a major role in shaping self-esteem and emotional well-being. While friendships are a natural and healthy part of development, excessive emotional dependence on peers can create stress, confusion, and vulnerability.

One such case was Preety (name changed), who came to the counselling room visibly distressed. During our conversation, she shared that she was deeply attached to her roommates. They appeared confident and socially powerful within their circle, but they were also involved in substance use and other risky behaviours. Preety knew their lifestyle was unhealthy, yet she found herself drawn to them. What fascinated her most was their ability to influence others. She described them as people who could convince anyone of anything. Their bold and manipulative confidence made them appear strong and fearless. Although she often felt uncomfortable about their activities, she continued staying close to them because their approval made her feel accepted.

Another student, Priyansh (name changed), came with a different concern that reflects a growing phenomenon among young people today—the Fear of Missing Out, commonly known as FOMO. He constantly worried that distancing himself from his friend circle would make him invisible or irrelevant. But during counselling he admitted something painful: within that very group, he was frequently teased and subtly bullied. Despite knowing that he was not always respected, he continued staying with them because the fear of being excluded felt worse than the humiliation he experienced.

Then there was Rubika (name changed), whose struggle revolved around social anxiety. Her worry was simple yet powerful: “What will people think if I don’t have friends?” She spent hours overthinking every interaction—wondering if she said the wrong thing or if others liked her enough. Instead of enjoying friendships naturally, she felt trapped in constant self-doubt.

In another session, Kavita (name changed) shared something that reflects the influence of today’s digital culture. She had been following several motivational speakers and online counselling platforms that repeatedly emphasized the importance of having a wide social network. Gradually she began to believe that if she did not have many friends, she must be unsuccessful or inadequate.

These stories reveal an important truth: friendship itself is not the problem. The challenge arises when the boundaries of friendship become blurred. Healthy friendships are built on respect, trust, and mutual growth.

When friendships are driven by manipulation, peer pressure, or the constant need for approval, they can begin to harm a student’s emotional well-being. Instead of providing support, they may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and emotional exhaustion.

Another concerning trend is that many students hesitate to seek professional help. Despite increasing awareness about mental health, counselling still carries stigma. Students often fear being judged as weak or incapable of managing their own problems. As a result, they turn to social media advice, online influencers, or friends who may not have the maturity or expertise to guide them.

Universities therefore have a vital role to play. Creating awareness about healthy relationships, encouraging open conversations about mental health, and strengthening campus counselling services can help students navigate friendships more responsibly.

The phrase “A friend in need is a friend indeed” still holds deep meaning, but perhaps it needs to be understood differently in today’s world. A true friend does not pressure, manipulate, or make someone feel inadequate. Instead, genuine friendship uplifts, respects boundaries, and supports emotional well-being.

For students navigating the challenges of university life, friendships should become a source of strength, growth, and encouragement—not a silent burden. Recognising the difference may be one of the most important steps toward protecting the mental health of our young generation.

(The author is a senior psychologist, D Y Patil International University, Pune)